by Mitch Powers

Winter is upon us, and as most people know, during winter you have to wear clothes. This may be seen by most as a depressing fact, but that’s why I’m here to help! We will have your birthday suit clothed in no time.

First off, you are going to need pants. The most obvious choice for pants are actually not pants at all but leggings. Yes, I know they are supposed to be worn under skirts and dresses, but everyone’s doing it! Sure they make everyone else feel uncomfortable because they are skin tight, but that’s a low price to pay for fashion!

If you can manage to get the leggings up over your ankles, you are one step closer to looking good. Next you are going to need some riding boots. So what if you don’t ride horses, that’s not the point! Who doesn’t want to look like a horse jockey? Sure you could get these working man’s boots for a low price, but you have to overpay for them, or else everyone will know, and you will be lame. And who wants to be lame? No one? That’s what I thought. Now keep reading.

Next up is the shirt. For this step you are going to need to sneak into your father’s closet. Yes, I said closet. Steal all of his sweatshirts that he has for some reason saved from the 90s. Grab that Fresh Prince sweatshirt, call it vintage, and make all adults feel old. Don’t forget nothing says fashion more than clothes that don’t fit.

Finally the piece de résistance is the Starbucks cup. This overpriced milk with a bit of coffee flavoring is the cornerstone to any good winter outfit. Don’t you dare throw it away when it’s done. Carry that cup around, flaunt it and remember, you are better than everyone else.

Finally, go ahead and post yourself of Instagram, because trust me, everyone cares.