Opinion: Confessions of a Self-Proclaimed Runner

by Nick Martin

The compacted dirt underneath your rubber sole. The pounding in your toe after stubbing it on the third root in the past five minutes. Both of these sensations are nothing compared to the main drawback of running long distances occasionally, hardly breathing through burning lungs (in other words nearing cardiac arrest). What else do you need than a butt-kicking route and a Taylor Swift playlist to remember all your past crushes that didn’t give you the time of day?

Bellbrook is a great place to run, whether it’s on the sidewalks of a neighborhood, or an actual breathTAKING jog through the Reserve’s wildlife. Make sure you actually condition yourself, instead of showing up to track practice and having to be taken to the hospital because you fainted after the warm-up lap. Stay away from the cookies that your mom just baked, who keep calling your name back to the kitchen. Make sure you stay warm: nothing is worse than going to school and losing the ability to use your hand because the weatherman called for “sunny and high 60’s” because we all know the consistency of him being right is less than the amount of exposure my dating life has seen the past 15 and 1/2 years. Always remember the most important thing for a runner: the Twinky is not as tasty when it is coming up as it is going down.

A few more miles and you’ll be closer to that beach bod you’ve been waiting to show all the kid’s in school. How a self-proclaimed runner can look if he puts his mind to it! Now head out there and run until you can’t run anymore without eating a feast, or a Snickers bar.

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