by Bridget Richard
The complexity of the written word is equal to the complexity of the positions that we read them in. We did an investigation of what some of these reading positions are and their usefulness for the modern reader.
1.) The Standard: The classic form of reading that we have come to know and love. Sitting in a chair–or on some sort of stable surface–with open pages. This is an easy go-to reading formation.
*Table is optional*
2.) The Modified: Once you feel comfortable with The Standard, try kicking it up a notch. And that term is almost used literally in this next position. Lift your knees up and use your legs to rest your book on. The only downside to this one is that, for some people like me, this gets extremely painful on your knees after five minutes. But if you need to be reading in a tight space, it’s a tried and true way to minimize the amount of space you take up!
3.) The Intellectual: There are actually two variations of this position. The first is if you want to look like an intellectual. Simply find a pair of fake eyeglasses and pretend to be thinking very profound thoughts about the words in front of you.
The second variation is for those individuals who are too darn tired trying to intellectualize the book in front of them. To optimize this frazzled and exasperated look, try it on a late school night or when cramming for the next big test!
1.) Vogue: Copy the pose of your favorite Greek statue. Is it comfortable to be in for a long period of time? Not necessarily, but that doesn’t matter. This position is all about you pretentiously expressing your love for two forms of art: literature and sculpture!
2.) Exotic: Standing in a place, or standing during a time, that you are not supposed to be.
3.) Horizontal: Horizontal standing, usually known by its alias “Laying Down,” is a risky gambit when it comes to how you read. While it is very comfortable and easy to do, it can sometimes end in a counterproductive slumber.
1.) Assisted Reading: Use another living being to help you read. Whether they help you in actually holding the book, or just being a person for you to treat as an audience member to your dramatic reading, the feeling of regret is the same when she leaves you once she realizes that you’re using her as props. But it’s worth it while it lasts!
2.) On-The-Go Reading: Read while you walk! If you need to be somewhere soon, why not optimize your travel time and bring your book with you!
*Disclaimer: If you are going to be near any walls, doors, or really any other vertical surface that you can collide with, do not attempt this form of reading*
*Disclaimer for the previous disclaimer: This is all just a really bad idea. Why would anyone do this? Please don’t do walk and read at the same time*
3.) “Not Actually Reading”: Look at all the books that you can’t be bothered to get around to reading. The key to this position is to feel guilty about it, but not guilty enough to actually be proactive about it.